It’s been 70-something days since I last published a blog post. I’ve barely glanced at Instagram and I can’t remember the last time I scheduled a tweet. Now, I don’t know if that’s a record but it’s certainly a much longer hiatus than I’d been planning on.
It’s not for want of ideas or inspiration. I’ve got a whole heap of drafted posts, but even more excuses for why I haven’t found the time to get anything written.
I’m too busy, I have housework, or real work to do, I’m focusing on the hobbies, I’m taking some “me time”. But, if I was being totally honest, I’d have to admit that my biggest obstacle to blogging is that I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never be the best.
I’m not on high profile PR lists, I don’t get invited on exciting press trips, I don’t get nominated for prestigious awards. If you asked a group of people to list their Top 5 bloggers or (shudder) influencers, it would be a pretty safe bet that they wouldn’t mention me.
And the truth is, that doesn’t really work for me. If I’m going to do something, I want to be at the top of the leaderboard. I mean, we all know that famous saying “If at first you don’t succeed – Give up!” After all, it’s far less embarrassing to say you didn’t try something instead of admitting you just weren’t that great at it.
By playing the comparison game and trying to live up to imaginary standards I’ve set for myself, I managed to suck all of the joy out of blogging. It became another job, one that took up vast amounts of my free time and I didn’t get paid for!
I used to write because I loved it. Back before I knew about stats and blogging events and what a DA score was, I used to write because I needed to, because the feelings and words were just bubbling up inside, desperate to find an outlet. I used to look forward to sitting down at my computer, spewing out words without worrying about whether they were relevant or relatable. I never ran out of things to say and never struggled with writer’s block or worried if I took a days off. I didn’t care how I was perceived by the wider world, if my words would offend or inspire somebody and if they would appeal to “the masses”. It was brilliant and I miss that.
The fact is, there will always be people who seem to be more successful than me. Maybe they’re not trying to juggle blogging with a full time job so have more time to dedicate to their blog. Maybe they don’t have other, more pressing responsibilities demanding their attention. Maybe they have more money to spend on clothes, makeup and experiences to write about. Maybe they have connection and experience in publishing or marketing giving them a leg up in the field. Maybe they’re just more creative and unique and offer something new that nobody else has thought of yet.
Just because it feels like I’m constantly playing catch up to the bloggers who’ve already “made it”, that doesn’t mean I should stop doing something that I used to enjoy. From now on I’m going back to blogging basics. I’m going to write what I want to write, when I want to write it and not get so caught up in who is, or isn’t, reading.
Brace yourselves for an onslaught of posts, because I’ve got a lot of catching up to do!