Dear Diary: One Year Later…..

Ok, so I know it’s a bit weird for me to post twice in one day.  My last post was scheduled for today, but this one just popped into my head.  Once it was there, I had to get it down.  Besides, the fact that it’s today is pretty important.

This morning I went for a run.  4 laps around the block.  3.5miles in 45 minutes.  Two months ago, when I started running, I couldn’t manage one lap.  I tried and failed miserably, almost fainting when I was half way round.  It was a bit of a disaster.

Looking back at the day, I can’t really believe how far I’ve come.  I’m hopefully training to do a half-marathon.  Although I know I have a REALLY long way to go, I still find it amazing that I’ve improved this much.  If you’d have told me 8 weeks ago that I could actually go on to run this far I’d have laughed.  It just proves I’m far more capable than I give myself credit for.

It seems particularly poignant that I should be feeling this way on today of all days.

One year ago today was one of those waking-nightmare days.  This kind of day that one year later, when you think back, your head can’t really compute.  That can’t actually have been real.  That didn’t actually happen to me.

One year ago, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through Christmas, let alone any of the days after that.  Looking back now, it’s mad to think I did get through those days, and the ones after that, and the ones after.  In fact, I’ve come so far, that day sometimes does just feel like a bad dream to me now.

One year later,  I’m in a different place, a different mindset and looking forward to a whole different future.  Just like with the running, I can look back and appreciate how far I’ve come while still acknowledging the challenges that are still ahead.  It’s alright though.  I know now that I can deal with them.

I think the point I’m trying to make, in my rambling way, is that even if today is the worst day you can ever imagine having, don’t give up.  Don’t think too hard about the future and what you might have to face.  Just survive.  For the next ten seconds.  For the next ten seconds after that.  For as long as you have to, until you’re not surviving anymore.

Who knows, maybe in one year’s time you’ll be looking back, astounded at how far you’ve come.  You won’t know until you get there.

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