Blogging, you can be a cruel mistress.
I had a different post planned for tonight, but when I fired up the laptop I couldn’t think of anything to write but this.
Blogging as a hobby is, i imagine, not a shred as rewarding or simple as blogging as a career. I don’t have the luxury of a lazy morning in bed, catching up on my social media and replying to comments. I don’t sit at a beautifully decorated desk in my stylish office, tirelessly editing photographs and scheduling my latest blog post.
I work a 30 hour week, in a distinctly average office job. I am a single mother who, with the help of a very supportive family, is raising two very demanding little girls. I have a house to maintain, which does not come naturally to me and my four feline lodgers certainly don’t help matters.
My blogging is squeezed in between the girls’ bedtime and my own, when I’m not falling asleep on the sofa or trying to pull in a few chores so I don’t feel like a complete failure of a human being. My head is full of potential blog posts, which almost never make it to the computer.
And when I do write, I am lucky if I reach 20 views a day.
I occasionally find myself wondering – what’s the point?
I’m sure all bloggers – professional or amateur – find themselves facing this feeling from time to time. It’s hard to constantly find something interesting to say, put it out there in the world and hope it will be well received. You’re putting yourself on the line and it can be draining.
Right now, I’m sick of it.
I’m sick of raking through my generic, mind-numbingly normal life, trying to find something that people will want to read about. Be honest, do you really care that I went to see The Bodyguard, or that I recently had afternoon tea at Chatsworth for the 1000th time?
I’m sick of writing about frivolous, light-hearted things while covering up the turmoil and chaos that surrounds me.
I’m sick of searching through my photo gallery hoping to find a fabulous, Instagramable shot instead of the 300 snaps of my kids eating sausage rolls.
I’m sick of taking selfie after selfie to show how glamorous and trendy (showing my age!) I am, when I secretly hate the way I look and cringe when I see almost every photograph.
I’m sick of spending hours on social media commenting, liking and sharing, hopelessly trying to build rapport and relationships and feeling like the kid at school who was always on the outskirts of the popular circle.
I’m sick of spending hours planning blogging schedules that I know will probably never see the light of day as “real life” steps in and steals the show.
I guess I’m just not in the right frame of mind.
And yet, when it’s good – it’s so good. I recently wrote a post about my Uncle’s wedding and it got more shares than I’ve ever had – ever! And it felt amazing. People were reading what I was writing – and if you say you don’t care if people read what you’re blogging about then I don’t believe you. Even if you don’t ever want to go pro or make money you must want people to read it. Or else, why not just keep a journal?
I’ve been in these slumps before and they usually go away after a while, but I thought I’d go back to my old method of “if you’re feeling it, write about it” for a while. It might help me to feel more connected to my blog again, instead of feeling like a fake who is just saying what she’s supposed to. Following the party line – “oh look, I bought some MAC makeup (I genuinely did!) and I’ve finally tried a gingerbread latte in a red cup (I actually haven’t!).
If you’ve felt like this – heck, if you’re feeling this – please stop by and say hello. It would be really nice to know I’m not alone in feeling a little lost every now and again.
One of my favourite parts about blogging is meeting people with similar interests and I’m always on the look out for new blogging buddies.
Thanks for listening.