Soundtrack to my life – #1

I often think that I should read more poetry.  It seems like the sort of thing that I should like.  I consider myself a relatively well-educated person and yet I must admit, I’ve never particularly found a taste for it.  I sometimes let that bother me, make me feel unintelligent and unintellectual  (if that’s even a word)  Hearing other people talk about their favourite poets and poems makes me feel like uneducated swine.  I do intend to rectify this at some point.  The poetry I read in school wasn’t awful, I didn’t hate it.  Maybe I just need to read more to find out what I like and what I don’t.

I was listening to my iTunes the other day and realised that although I may not be well-read in terms of Wordsworth or Keats, maybe I access my poetry in another way.  Through song.  I often find lyrics that move me or motivate me, and surely all poetry is just lyrics without a melody.

When I first started this blog I would often use song lyrics as inspiration or starting points for my posts.  I would include quotes at the beginning of the post to help set the tone.  Sometimes I would even include Youtube videos of whole songs, along with an explanation of why that song was important to me.  I really liked those posts.  They were interesting and therapeutic to write and I often had far too many songs for each post.  In fact I enjoyed writing them so much that I thought I would resurrect the idea for a series of regular posts.

I’m not entirely sure how regular…maybe weekly…maybe more, maybe less.  We’ll just have to see how the mood takes me.  But I’d like to start with the first one now.

SONG 1: Still Into You (Paramore)

Let ’em wonder how we got this far
‘Cause I don’t really need to wonder at all
Yeah, after all this time I’m still into you

This song has been floating around in the background for a while now. Since my husband and I separated, a lot of the music I listen to has been depressing and morose.  Songs of mourning, loss, regret and despair.  This one isn’t like that and it makes a very refreshing chance.  I sometimes feel…how shall I put it…embarrassed?  Ashamed? Definitely reluctant to admit that I still have feelings for my ex.  After all this time, there really is no reason to cling on to hope and to the memories that we created together.  After all of the things that have been said between us, I really should be able to move on and get over him by now.  There’s just this one line – “I should be over all the butterflies” that I think really  helps me to sum up how I feel.  Because I’m not over them – they’re still fluttering around in there everytime I hear his name.

SONG 2 – Masterpiece (Jessie J)

I still fall on my face sometimes
And I can’t colour inside the lines
‘Cause I’m perfectly incomplete
I’m still working on my masterpiece

My second song for this week is, for a change, not about relationships or love or men.  It’s all about me.  I first heard this song on the Graham Norton chat show, when Jessie J was singing.  Normally it takes me a while to like a song.  I have to hear it a few times before it grows on me.  From the moment Jessie started singing I knew I was going to love this one. It’s so powerful and self-affirming.  It’s just what I needed to hear.

Recently I’ve been struggling with feelings of inadequacy again. I’m getting really sick and tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, like I’m second best.  Sometimes I just need a little reminder that I’m worth a lot more than I give myself credit for.  So whenever I’m feeling low or unworthy I just listen to this song and it reminds me to give myself time.  I’m still working on my masterpiece.

So that is what my life sounds like this week – actually quite positive for me.  Still, there’s always next week.  I hope you like this new series of posts.  Please feel free to leave feedback.  What have you been listening to this week?  Do you use music to express yourself?

See you soon x