How do I believe?

Come on and sing me a song of praise and glory
Help this wandering child to understand.
That when I close my eyes in sleep eternal
I’ll be clinging to a saving hand.

Clinging to a Saving Hand – Leann Rimes

Since my husband left, I have searched for comfort, support and advice from every available source. I have used self-help books, counseling websites, friends and family. I have even turned to the bible to see if it could provide me with the strength that I so sorely need.

I read a blog post from Schizo Incognito about faith and religion. I tried to write a comment but realised I had far too much I wanted to say. I decided instead to write my own blog post, with my feelings on religion and beliefs. If you want to read the original post you can find it here. For those of you who took part in the WordPress Zero to Hero challenge, this post also finally allows me to finish one of the challenges that I never felt I had the inspiration to complete before now.

I am not religious. I don’t practice religion daily. I wasn’t raised in a Christian household. I have never read the the bible from cover to cover. Neither am I an atheist. I was christened and both of my children have now also been baptised through the Church of England. I am a wannabe believer.

The problem that I have is that I can’t seem to make myself believe. I have many friends from different religions and I envy them the comfort and peace that they take from their belief that something grander is watching over them. I have tried and I am unable to replicate this sense of peace. I sit in a church and listen to the beautiful words and the uplifting music, but I am unmoved. I sometimes lie at night and pray (as much as I am able to with my limited understanding) but I do not feel anything when I do. There is no sensation that someone might be listening. I feel totally alone.

And so, I guess my question is this. No matter how much you want to, can you force yourself to believe in something if you just, well, don’t? Surely that is the definition of faith and belief. You either have it or you don’t.

Most of my friends who are religious were raised in families that practiced religion on a regular basis. Don’t they have an unfair advantage over me? If you are told something is true, over and over, from childhood, surely you are more likely to grow up believing it is so. This must explain why most people who are raised in Muslim families grow up to be Muslims, Jewish families produce Jews and so on.

I am a fairly logical, sensible person. I was raised to be skeptical of things that come without evidence – UFOs and ghosts for example. If someone told me they believed in fairies at the bottom of the garden I would think they were slightly unhinged. However, to believe in a higher power who watches over us, with no actual proof that such a thing exists is a much more acceptable belief.

Yet, there are people who discover religion completely on their own. Christians convert to Islam because they find something there that they need. People with no faith become born-again Christians and go on to lead strong, religious lives. But how? Do they just will it into being? I ask out of a genuine desire to know the answer.  I need something to comfort me, something to lean on when I cannot be strong.  I just don’t know how to find it.

I have begun to read through the bible.  I think the teachings of Christ are wonderful.  If everyone could live their life the way that Jesus taught us to, the world would truly be a better place.  Maybe we really would find the heaven that everyone is searching for.  But they mean no more to me than the teachings of say, Martin Luther King or Mother Theresa.  I want to feel something!!

So, I hope I haven’t offended anyone with my ramblings.  These are just my silly, uneducated thoughts and I am by no means an expert on matters of religion.

And I would love to hear your thoughts.  Are you religious? Atheist? Have you discovered or rediscovered religion?  Have you turned away from it? What gives you strength and comfort when you are at your weakest?  There is no right or wrong here for me – just a journey of discovery without any sense of direction


  1. Pingback: Blogelina Commentathon – Group E | Blogelina
    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you – you’re probably right. Maybe it isn’t something you can create, but something you have to just let happen. Only time will tell, I guess.

  2. Danielle says:

    Very honest post! Thanks for sharing your heart. We have a very strong belief system but know that not everyone shares in that…isn’t that make the world beautiful! We can be different and still have respect for one another. We all have our own purposes here and we hope you come to find your faith.

    • sbunny85 says:

      You’re very right – I think it is wonderful to believe what you want to and allow other people to do the same, without judging them. I think I’m starting to realise that it probably isn’t what I believe that is important, but how I act. If I lead a good life and try to be a good person then my beliefs can sort themselves out.

  3. Rachel Lavern@Online Biz Boomer Babe says:

    Hi Stacy,

    I have been a Christian for most of my adult life. What being a Christian means to me is that I am in Christ. When I am in Christ, I am joined in a fellowship with Christians around the globe. We are not alone, because we are together in Christ. What does being in Christ mean? When we are in something, we are totally submerged in it. We are in the bathtub, or in the car, or in the house. When we are in something, our whole being is encompassed by it. So when we are in Christ, we allow him to encompass our thoughts, our actions, our goals, dreams, our lives. We can’t stand on the sidelines of Christianity and watch, hoping to avoid discomfort. Like jumping in a pool, we must jump in to our faith in Him and allow Him to have His way. And that is difficult; however, like most hard things, the payoff is well worth the discomfort.

    I’m not always happy with my circumstances, and would often choose to be someplace else. But praise God, no matter what’s going on in my life, I can rejoice in knowing I’m exactly where God wants me. And as long as I remain there, my life will have purpose. As long as I remain there, I’ll never have to feel alone.

    I pray that you find the peace and answers you are searching for.

    Rachel recently wrote Using the Oreo Cookie to Get Clients

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you for your encouragement. I am trying to believe that what’s happening right now is exactly what was supposed to happen and every experience either teaches us something or leads us somewhere.

  4. OKC Mom of 3 says:

    My only recommendation is to continue seeking Christ. Sorry I am not more helpful. We go to church every weekend & I do consider myself a Christian, but not growing up in church I am not the person to answer questions because I am still seeking & learning

  5. Desiree Arpin says:

    I do not consider myself a religious person. I do believe in a high power, but I don’t really think that to be odd at all. My children do go to a Catholic Private School however. That choice was based on many factors. But most of all that the school system is great. I believe that they should have an understanding of all things to be able to make their won choice in all of it. I don’t really know my stance on it. My husband has been through all communions and was even an alter boy. Ultimately he chose a path without Church and religion.

    • sbunny85 says:

      I definitely agree that it’s important for children to choose for themselves. Both my children are christened but I choose not to take them to church yet. I don’t want to simply to follow, but to question. We explain religious stories and festivals such as Christmas and Easter and we always answer questions about church and heaven etc as honestly when she can. I hope when they are a bit older we can give them the information and opportunites they need to make their own choices. Thanks for commenting.

  6. Patty Mejia Burke says:

    I was raised in a strict Catholic family; when I moved out from my parent’s home (20), I started skipping Mass and then totally stopped. I didn’t think I had time for “religion”

    As I grew older (25 or so), I realized that religion had NOTHING to do with loving a Higher Power. Yes, I said Higher Power because I found God through the help of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was there that many people (some of whom had been confused/atheists/angry at God) taught me to love myself and to lean on a Higher Power, whom I now call God.

    You don’t have to have special prayers when you talk to God; even when you don’t know what to say, He’s aware of what’s in your heart.

    I wish I had a simple answer for you; you are on a journey of self-discovery and it might trip you up now and then. I sure wasn’t insulted by your blog post. I could have written the same thing many years ago.

    Now that I’m married and have a child, I feel closer to the Church and to God than I ever have; I depend on God on a daily basis.

    I hope that you continue on your journey and find what you need.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you very much for your comment. It’s fascinating to hear how everbody came to believe what they do. It makes my journey that much easier.

  7. vitalivesfree says:

    I can totally relate to your words. I always say I believe in God but I don’t believe in any religions or churches. I believe they’ve been created just for power, money and control over people. But I definitely believe there is some kind of higher force (call it God, the spirit, karma) that controls everything in this universe and beyond. I just strive to be the best person I can every single day, and that’s all that matters to me.

    • sbunny85 says:

      I completely agree with you. I don’t think I can control what I believe, but I can control how I act. I want to be a good person and to lead a good life (pretty much following Christan values) and I will see where that takes me.

  8. Jen says:

    I am not a religious person. We do not attend a regular church, however I do believe there is a greater being. My faith has truly been shaken in the past few years, and I;m not sure I’m ready to revisit it just yet.

    • sbunny85 says:

      I’m sorry to hear your faith has been shaken. I have such bleak moments where I am sure I must be alone as nothing makes sense. I think it’s a testament to your faith though that you do still believe there is something greater. I’ve never really felt that you have to go to church in order to be a believer.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you. I’d probably have to say I’m agnostic too at the moment. I don’t reject the idea of a God (whichever religion) but I can’t say I truly believe either.

  9. Jennifer S. at The Doodlebug Adventures says:

    I believe in a higher power and the power of positive thoughts, prayers, etc. I know all too well about reading self help books trying to dig deeper to find the answers we are seeking but I think sometimes we need to look inside and more often than not we don’t always like what we hear or find there. We have to make the change and move forward. It is up to us individually to make the world around us a better place.

    • sbunny85 says:

      I think you are right that it is up to us to make the world a better place. I am trying to focus on the positive and be a good person, in the hope that the world around me will start to look brighter, but it isn’t always easy. Thanks for commenting.

  10. Diana B says:

    Faith isn’t an all or nothing type of thing. It is more like a muscle, it has to be exercised to grow stronger. Which is done through prayer, meditation, and study. Children that grow up in a religion do have an advantage because we allow them to have child like faith, while we don’t let adults have that same faith even though it is a foundation for the big, serious, intellectual faith.
    I hope that you will keep searching, because it seems like something you really want in your life.

    • sbunny85 says:

      That’s a very interesting point. As children we are encouraged to make believe and imagine, but in adulthood it is frowned upon. We always have to be so serious and logical. We’re probably doing ourselves a great disservice. We are probably diminishing our ability to just believe in something without hard evidence. Thanks for the comment.

  11. Kimberly Elliott says:

    It sounds like you are really struggling right now. I am so sorry.

    I will tell you that those of us who have been raised in religious homes and completely believe in God and our religioun, still struggle too. It’s an ongoing thing. There are days it’s easy to believe and my testimony is strong. There are days when I am floundering too. We are all human with human failings, and I think constant faith is one of those.

    But even when I don’t have complete faith and I doubt everything, I keep hanging on to what I know that I should do. I keep praying, even when it feels no one is listening. I keep going to church, even when the kids are roudy and I wonder why I bother. I keep finding way to serve even when I would rather be wallowing in my own troubles.

    I guess that’s what I would recommend. If you want to have faith, keep pressing forward. Keeping looking for God and he will find you. Keep praying and he will answer. Keep serving and you’ll get outside of yourself and feel and beleive again.

    Maybe that doesn’t help, maybe it does. I know that God exists and loves you and am. I know that when we don’t feel anything and are wondering what the heck, it’s us that’s moved away not him. We just need to find our way back.

    Keep pressing forward. This too shall pass and you will find happiness and faith.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you for your words. It makes me feel better to know that other people struggle too and that if I just continue to search and pray I may find what I am looking for. Thank you.

  12. Lydia @ Not Afraid of the Snow says:

    I grew up in a religious environment and still consider myself a follower of Christ. I really like this quote by CS Lewis. “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

    I truly believe that Christ has left His mark on our world. Morality, compassion, justice. These are all things that we can see because God created this world and we see things because of Him.

  13. Anastasia Carpenter says:

    Hi Stacey, very interesting post! I was not raised in a Christian environment either. And I have to say that I made poor choices in my life, many of which were self destructive. There came a day when my life was crashing down all around me. I wanted to find a better way to live that would bring true happiness and fulfillment. I also started out reading the Bible, and I did eventually read it all the way through. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Just keep reading your Bible. And after you’ve read it, read it again, and again, and again. The word of God has the power to transform lives. I think the real defining moment comes when you believe that Jesus Christ is the son of God, who came down from heaven to save us from our sins by dying on the cross. When we realize that, and we accept Him as our Savior, and ask Him to lead us and be willing to follow Him, then we are born again. It needs to come from the heart. Many will say yes, I believe, but it only with their mind. This not a true conversion. When the heart says, yes, I believe and I will follow you Lord, then you will know. Hope that helps! Blessings to you!

  14. Cherie @ says:

    I’m a firm believer in the Lord. I don’t go to church as often as I should. I actually never use to go to church until I married my husband. I would say that I’m not very religious, as I was never baptized. We don’t push religion on our children, though they are baptized. I do believe that the Lord will be there in our time of need and things will happen for a reason. Whether to make us learn or make us stronger. I can’t really help on the topic of religion as I am uneducated myself.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you for your comment. It’s nice to hear somebody say that they believe without practising religion. I have always felt uncomfortable with organised religion, as I felt I was a phone but I have always felt like I believed in my heart where it counted.

  15. A. Kerr (@KerrificOnline) says:

    Hugs! I have been where you’re at, not sure where to turn but I did find faith and it has been an amazing part of my life. My advice is simply to keep trying (especially praying) and it will come. The good news is that we don’t have to be perfect in faith, we just have to try and God will provide the rest.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you. I shall keep reading and learning. This post has given me so many different viewpoints and ideas I feel much better.

  16. The mom says:

    I’m a christian. I’m a member of the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. I’m a mormon. I joined the church when I was 28 and have never regretted my decision. For me it was like finding that missing piece of the puzzle that just made everything make sense to me.

    Oh and to answer your question if they just “will it into being”. I used to think that too. But nope. You still have your good days and your sucky days. For me, finding my relationship with Jesus Christ and having it all of a sudden make sense just made the good days way outnumber the bad ones and made me comfortable to rely on him, complain to him, seek comfort in him when times are rough. I don’t have to “fake it to make it”.

    Good luck in your search. I went around like a nutty person visiting several different churches, read A LOT before I finally found my place in this world.

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s very reassuring to hear other people have been through something similar to me.

  17. thedelightfulcottage says:

    I pray that you will find the Peace that passes understanding…. Jesus loves you and wants you to walk with him….keep seeking and he will reveal himself 🙂

  18. Divachyk // Relaxed Thairapy says:

    I’ve been saved since I was a young girl. I’ve always kept the word in my heart throughout my travels through school and in my adult life. I pray and keep the faith at all times, especially in my weakest, darkest hours. I just know God will make a way for me. I trust and believe in that totally.

  19. domesticdeadline says:

    I was raised in the church and am raising my children in church, however, I have always felt that my relationship with God doesn’t really have much to do with the church. Sometimes when I feel like my problems are little or I need clarity on what to actually pray about, I “talk” to my grandma. She’s been gone for over 20 years, but I know she is with me, she guides me and I know when I need more help than she can give me, she leads me to it. It may sound silly, but when my daughter asked how she should be praying, I told her about talking to my grandma, it may be in my head (or sometimes on paper) but it’s a conversation that just flows.

    • sbunny85 says:

      That’s a great way of dealing with it. If we need to speak to someone out there for support and guidance, does it really matter if we put a name on it? That’s why it always frustrates me when different religions argue over what is true. At the base of it we are all looking for the same thing – someone to watch over us and guide us.

  20. Dawn Boyer says:

    Dear Stacey,

    You have been on my heart since you posted on my site the other day. Your questions are so valid and real, and deserve well-thought considerate answers. Reading through the comments are enlightening. Those who expressed their faith, shared a reality which is dear and true to them. I was not brought up in church, but I had God-fearing Grandparents and Momma. I was taught Truth and later as an adult, after seeking that peace which you speak of, I came to the Cross. After much reading and seeking that door was opened and the best decision I ever made was to make Christ the Lord of my life.
    It has not be all glory and roses, He is working out my sanctification every day. A few scriptures that come to mind besides Romans 10:17 which Anastasia shared above, are found in the faith book.. Hebrews.
    Hebrews 11:1 says that, Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things that we don’t see. 2 Corinthians 4:18 instructs us to look past the temporal, which does not last, to the eternal which is fixed and established in truth. Back again to Hebrewss 11:6 it says that those who come to God must believe that He is and He is a diligent rewarder of those who seek him. In Psalms, over and over, we see the heart of one who is diligently seeking, and also rewarded in their faith by God’s presence. Psalm 16:11 tells us that Joy is found in His presence.

    Yet, truly and really, the most important thing I want to tell you is that you are loved by a God who will never push His way into your life, but will pursue you because He sings and rejoices over you with joy. Zephaniah 3:17.

    I am praying that the Peace that passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7) would become a reality in your life.

    Thanks for being real and asking tough questions. It is refreshing!

    • sbunny85 says:

      Thank you for your kind words and advice. I now have some starting points to get reading. I really appreciate your support and prayers.

  21. DeBalino, Babystylista says:

    I was raised Catholic and never really understood the fundamentals until much later in life, when I chose to learn more about it on my own. I believe that religion isn’t something that can be forced on us, and that at some point in our lives something will compel us to search and we will hopefully find what we are looking for. It’s wonderful that you are in that search and are open to learning. It just means that you are on a journey – and wherever it takes you – you will eventually find that same peace that you so yearn for. It may direct you to a place that makes so much sense to you and will move you in a way you have never experienced. Or you may even come full circle – and realize you tried everything out there, and you are indeed happy in the same place you started when you began this journey. I hope you find what you are searching for, and there will be no doubt in your mind that you found it. As for me – I feel so rich and abundantly blessed knowing that my faith has gotten me through so much and I have eternity to look forward to. 🙂

  22. Angi (amboutwe) says:

    Growing up, I experienced a variety of different religions but none ever felt right so I do not consider myself religious. If I’m forced to classify myself, I claim agnostic. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was or wasn’t a higher power but I don’t think we’re meant to understand the world around us.

  23. amberkeinath says:

    I have been a Christian my whole life and am now married to a Minister, but it is something I chose for myself. Do not be deceived by people out there who say that it is about feeling or emotion. It is about knowing that you are not perfect and can never be perfect. There is no way to work your way into Heaven. You cannot be a “good enough” person and hope to get into Heaven. It is about knowing that God loves you so much (you are soooo special!) that he sent his one and only son to take your punishment for all those little white lies, secretly disliking someone else, etc (doesn’t have to be a big sin…a sin is a sin is a sin). Jesus died on the cross so you can have the ultimate gift: life in Heaven! Christianity is the only religion you do not have to do ANYTHING to be good enough for Heaven. It is by GRACE! You just have to believe! Isn’t that a huge relief? I encourage you to get involved at that church you attend. Talk with the minister; go to some bible studies; learn everything you can about it. This is how you will find your peace- knowing you are loved! 🙂 Hang in there! 🙂

  24. Leila says:

    I don’t consider myself “religious”. I consider myself “spiritual”. I have my own personal beliefs. I believe in a Higher Power who I decide to call “God”. I do not believe in the bible. I do not believe in the devil. I do believe in spirits, not ghosts. I do not believe these spirits can hurt us. I believe everything happens for a reason no matter how small, big, hurtful, etc. While we may not always know or understand the reason, there is one. These are just a sample of what I consider my beliefs. They are mine. Some agree. Some don’t. All that matters is what I believe. 🙂

  25. Michal Sch says:

    Hi Stacy, I was born to a religious family but from a young age I had doubts and questions about it. I never really found answers that satisfied my doubts. There were times in my childhood that I tried to be like everyone else but it just did not work because I did not feel what they felt. So now I am not religious and I try to enjoy the little things in life and take strength in who I am and the good things that I have and are around me. I think that like you said there are good things in the bible and I take them in my life even without believing. I wish you all the best!

  26. buttercup2000 says:

    Very thoughtful post. I am religious and believe that describes my relationship with G’d. This doesn’t necessarily entail a lot of observance, though I do observe many facets of Judaism. No set recommendations, but I would look for the place and people that resonate goodness and kind deeds.

  27. Rebecca Busenitz says:

    Oh Stacey…I feel your heart. And I KNOW you are going to find God. Those that seek – FIND. Just don’t stop searching. I was raised “Christian,” very fundamentalist, though. It practically ruined me. I was saved & baptized, but lived very depressed. My church was more like a cult. It was all about rules and religion – and frankly, that NEVER helps real people with real life problems.

    I got to the point of wanting to commit suicide. But something was keeping me from doing it – it made me angry. I wanted to end it all. I finally decided that if God was really behind all this misery, I wanted nothing to do with Him. Then it dawned on me – what if all the bad ISN’T God? What if God is GOOD, and I just haven’t found Him yet because I’ve been trapped by people and lies all my life? I decided to find God or die trying. I threw out everything, yelled at the sky, and started DEMANDING that God show Himself to me. Then….He did. Day by day, moment after moment, in the little things, the HUGE things. I found myself weeping on my knees time after time in total disbelief at the reality of…well…God!

    I’ve since discovered the priceless truth that it’s about a relationship with Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the God of the Bible. He’s a REAL person. He’s not someone who sits around judging, ruling, and condescendingly evaluating our lives, punishing us, and demanding worship. He’s a loving father, a lover, and He DIED so that we could live forever with Him in a close and loving relationship. He really is the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE….and like the Bible says, NO ONE gets to God except through JESUS. I urge you to just cry out – and demand the answers you seek. Keep vocalizing your questions. Call on the name of Jesus – and watch what happens. Be patient. Stay true to your heart. And you will find joy unspeakable! Blessings!

  28. lizclouse says:

    Hi Stacey, I think a lot of us go through this when trying to decide what we believe. I grew up in a house divided, my mom believed but my dad did not. However, the kids did not have a choice, we had to go to church with my mom, while my dad stayed home. It was hard to understand as a kid, why did we have to go when he did not? As an adult I have chosen not to participate in church but I still believe in my own way.

  29. Jenny @ Women With Intention says:

    This is a very complex post! I agree with Diana B’s comments. I was raised Catholic and can honestly say I never really felt anything going to Catholic church. I’m not against Catholicism, it just wasn’t for me. I started attending a different church that’s Evangelical Free and it really transformed my belief system. I joined bible studies, women’s groups and my faith has grown exponentially.

    I also have had some excellent discussions with one of our pastor’s in our church. They offer a bible school class for adults, many activities for families and I look forward to going because each time I do, I take away valuable life lessons.

    Maybe you need to keep trying churches until you find the right fit for you? Good luck with your search!

  30. Nida Sea says:

    These are some very interesting thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with believing and trying to find your faith. I’ve gone through several religions and now follow what I feel is right. This came about because the religions I followed had ideas of their own that didn’t correspond with their teachings. It became obvious and I eventually stopped believing them.

    I also don’t believe in church. I feel there shouldn’t be a physical, dedicated place to worship God. He’s all around us, within us, and knows us by how we are and what we do, as opposed to showing up for Sunday service each week. So, I think your ‘ramblings’ as you call it are perfectly normal. I do wish you the very best in your life and pray you find the happiness you seek.

  31. girl4god28 says:

    Wow, such an honest post. So many good questions, and such hard ones to answer. For each person, the answers are different. I was raised in a Christian home and was always taught what I should believe, and I loved learning it, but I came to a point where I truly started believing it and knowing it to be true. I am still learning and growing in my relationship with Jesus, and I will continue for the rest of my life. I hope that you continue to seek and discover what you are looking for!

  32. Tanai Goldwire says:

    I was really touched by your post and am going to humbly attempt to answer your question, ‘How do you believe if you, well, don’t?’

    The truth is you can’t manufacture faith. You can’t go get it or buy it. You experience it. And once you have that first experience you continue to build on it. The bible says you build up your faith line upon line and precept upon precept. Kind of like a house. You have to start with the foundation or the house will not stand. The foundation of your faith in my opinion is always your personal experience with Christ. See it doesn’t matter what your friends or family have experienced. It matters what you experienced. You don’t believe or have faith that strawberries taste good until you try them right? In that same way God will craft a personal experience with you that will so touch you that it will transform you. The bible says ‘seek and he shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened’ from reading your blog post it seems you have been seeking and knocking. I promise you God will answer. He wants to know you even more than you want to knowHim. I pray that you have a life changing experience with God that will be the foundation of your ever increasing faith. In the mighty name of Jesus I pray, amen. Bless you 🙂

  33. Living Natural Today (@livenatural2day) says:

    Thank you for the honest post. Sounds like you’ve really been questioning things. I want to suggest that you don’t get hung up on the concept of religion. I am a Christian. I attend a Bible believing church. As a Christian, I have a personal relationship with Jesus, not some religion. You can have a personal relationship with Him too! It’s great that you’ve been reading through the Bible. As you read through it, I encourage you to really soak it in. The Bible is so much more than just another book. I pray you will one day experience a personal relationship with Jesus Christ!

  34. Anointed Heels says:

    Hi! I think what you are looking is a relationship NOT religion, it’s not a matter of what you believe but a matter of whom you believe. In Roman 5 in the bible it says that “… the love of God is shed abroad in every heart…” I believe your hunger to know more is a sign that God is calling you. invite Him in your heart and teach you what you need to know. From there you’ll be able to recieved that peace that passes all understanding that the bible talks about. search no more God is calling you and you didnt have to get beat down by a preacher LOL to me that is exciting. I’ll be praying for you

  35. jen schreiner says:

    Very honest post! Thanks for sharing your heart. It is hard to be open. I was raised Christian, stepped away and came back. I believe in GOD and it took my own stepping away to realize that.

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