Dear Diary: I’m just not in the mood

It’s been a bit of a horrible week, hasn’t it?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that there are some people who have had a MUCH worse week than me, but that’s the thing about tragedy – its impact can spread much further than you think.

Monday morning started with an emergency staff briefing at work and some very sad news. This was followed by an incredibly long, emotional day where those who were directly affected struggled to come to terms with things and those of us not directly affected did everything we could to offer support.

I woke on Tuesday morning, as so many people did, to read the news about the attack in Manchester. Watching the news unfold, seeing the names and faces of the people who were missing, I felt helpless, and useless, and scared. More than anything, I felt drained.

I sometimes find living in this world exhausting, you know?  And for sometimes, I mean often. Occasionally it feels more often than not.  I find the hate, the anger, the pressure, the conflict, the uncertainty, the fear – it all drains me.  I don’t know why we keep struggling against the inevitable misery that seems to catch everyone up at some point.

I’ve tried this week to keep a brave face on it, to carry on as normal but the truth is I’m just not feeling it. I’m not in the mood to be normal right now.  I couldn’t bring myself to write any of the blog posts I’ve planned, I’ve barely touched social media, I’ve done no housework – I’ve just been shuffling through like some kind of zombie.  I’m here, but I’m not really engaging.

To add insult to injury, due to my lack of effort, my blog stats have plummeted to next to nothing.  I know it shouldn’t be all about the numbers, but it is really disappointing when you’ve been working so hard and making so much progress and then everything takes a sudden turn for the worst.

Now, I’m feeling massively under pressure to get stuck back in and catch up, and I really can’t be bothered.

I’ve spent the last few days wrestling with myself, trying to feel motivated but just not able to drum up any real drive.  Today, I’ve decided to change my tactics.

I know this post has been massively “woe is me” which may seem insensitive given the events of the past week, but I believe sometimes you have to own your feelings.  Right now, I’m just not in the mood,  So I’m not going to try and fake it.  I’m going to accept that I’m feeling down and roll with it.  After I publish this post I’m off the play The Sims and have a coffee, maybe some chocolate.

This will blow over.  These moods always do.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel like getting back into the swing of things.  Maybe it will be sudden, maybe it will be gradual but it will happen.  There’s no point rushing myself, trying to feel something I don’t.

Hopefully normal service will resume shortly.  I’ll see you all on the other side.

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13 comments

  1. Sapna says:

    I sometimes feel like this and it is really hard to get out of, especially with everything going on at the moment in the world! I hope you do feel better and the blogging community really helps too. xx

  2. Chloe says:

    Aw lovely, this is such an emotional post. I completely understand what you mean when you sometimes just feel like absolute shit, it doesn’t mean that your hurt is any less than anyone else’s. I hope you’re feeling better soon xx

  3. Em says:

    Aww I’m so sorry about your week. The even that happened in Manchester was awful.

    Hope your feeling back to yourself soon lovely xx

  4. Em says:

    Aww I’m so sorry about your week. The even that happened in Manchester was awful.

    Hope your feeling back to yourself soon lovely xx

  5. abbeylouisarose says:

    Aw Stacey, you shouldn’t feel bad in the slightest about sharing the bad times, as well as the good stuff, on your blog! This is why I love reading blogs, it’s not magazine-glossy and airbrushed perfection, it’s real life! Don’t feel disheartened about your stats at all, when you get back into things, they’ll be right back up there! Sending hugs and all the positive vibes!

    Abbey http://www.abbeylouisarose.co.uk
    abbeylouisarose recently posted…Meet my June AdvertisersMy Profile

  6. Lauren says:

    *hugs*
    I love how honest this post is. Definitely make sure to put yourself and your well-being first. I know a lot of people have it worse, especially atm, but that doesn’t mean your worries and hardships are any less valid <3 Look after yourself, and if you ever need to talk give me a message!

    Lauren | Lauren the Daydreamer

  7. Debra-Bow says:

    Hey lovely! Please remember that were all here to talk, whenever you need to. Even if its to talk about something else that will take your mind off whats currently repeating itself. Don’t apologise about taking the time you need! Sometimes we need to focus on ourselves and whats around us in the real world before putting something like a blog at the top of our lists of things to do! Please take care and don’t forget where we all are xxxxx

  8. Izzy Marie Hill says:

    Stacey I totally get it, I’d much rather take a break from blogging if my hearts not in it. I’ve had a lot of stuff gone on at the start of this month and then when the horrific Manchester and London attacks happened I was just too lost for words to sit down at my laptop. Sending loads of love; thanks for this meaningful little update.

    Lots of love Izzy | http://www.ADoseOfChatter.com
    Izzy Marie Hill recently posted…Killin It Cosmetics | Epic Nights Palette Review & SwatchesMy Profile

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