Dear Diary: Finding my voice

I’m really struggling with blogging at the moment.

My editorial calendar (fancy word for a diary) is full of draft posts of ideas that I want to write, but the words just don’t seem to want to come.  I sit staring at an empty screen, ideas running through my head but I can’t put a sentence together.

Even now, writing a post about struggling to write, I’m drawing a blank.

I think my current problem is not finding the words, but finding my voice.  I have a very definite style on my blog.  I think of it as an online magazine.  It’s chatty, informal and generally positive.  I try and keep things polite and reasonably professional.  There aren’t too many profanities or too many controversial opinions.  In other words, it’s not really me.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, this IS me. It’s a version of me.  It’s the me you’d meet on an interview, when I’m trying to impress. Or a first meeting when I’m assessing how much of my actual character you can handle.  It’s me when I’m around my grandparents (who read the blog) or my boss (who doesn’t.)

It’s a sweetened, diluted version of me, which I suppose is fine and works well with my content.  My blog style works well when talking about vintage dresses or afternoon teas.  However I sometimes feel like there’s a whole other side of me which is desperate to be let out.

I’m a 5 foot 4, busty bundle of rage who swears like a trooper and loves nothing better than a good rant.  I’d love to find a way to let that side of me show a bit more on the blog.  I’d love to feel like I’m giving a rounded representation of my personality.  Like you’re seeing the real me, not just one half.  You get all the Jekyll but no Hyde.

I don’t really know where I”m going with this post, or if there’s even a point.  I guess I’m just tired of trying to “be nice” on the blog all the time.  I’m not nice all of the time, in fact sometimes I’m bloody awful, so why should my blog be any different.

I know people say I should stay on brand.  I flipping hate it when people are described as a brand.  I’m not a brand, I’m a person.  A person who has mood swings and hormones and all the “feels” that goes with that.  Is it wrong that occasionally I should want to show that I’m human, and not just an advertising campaign?

Anyhoo, I think I’m done with my existential blogging crisis for tonight?  I really wanted to post something and this is all that would come out.  I’m sure tomorrow will resume with the usual “on-message” blogs.  I’ve got a fair few reviews to write so I should really stop moaning and get on it.

Night all.

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